Turning Our True Nature Into a Flaw

One of the most powerful concepts I teach in Empowered Tapping® is something I call Turning Our True Nature into a Flaw.

At its core, this is a survival adaptation.

As children, we are constantly learning what feels safe, accepted, loved, encouraged, rejected, criticised, punished, or ignored. Long before we have the language to explain it, our nervous systems are interpreting our experiences and making unconscious decisions about who it is safe to be.

And sometimes, a child comes to the conclusion that an aspect of their true nature is dangerous. Not because it actually is. But because of the emotional consequences attached to expressing it.

A child who is naturally loving may experience rejection, abandonment, or heartbreak and unconsciously conclude: “Love hurts. It’s dangerous to love this deeply.”

A child who is naturally honest may be criticised, shamed, or punished for speaking openly and conclude: “Honesty creates conflict.”

A child who is naturally enthusiastic may be told they are “too much” and conclude: “It isn’t safe to fully express myself.”

A child who trusts their own awareness may be gaslit or dismissed and conclude: “I can’t trust myself.”

Over time, the psyche stops seeing these traits as strengths or aspects of its nature. Instead, it begins to associate them with pain. And eventually, the unconscious mind makes a subtle but life-changing shift: “This part of me must be the problem.”

This is the moment our true nature becomes turned into a flaw. Not because it is flawed. But because the child-self fused the trait with the wound surrounding it.

The important thing to understand is that this was not stupidity, weakness, or failure. It was adaptation.

The child-self was trying to survive emotionally, relationally, and psychologically. If expressing a part of ourselves repeatedly led to pain, criticism, isolation, or emotional overwhelm, it made sense for the nervous system to become protective around it.

The psyche wasn’t trying to destroy the self. It was trying to keep “the self” safe.

But the story doesn’t end there. Because once the unconscious mind has labelled an aspect of our nature as unsafe, it begins organising our lives around validating that belief. Not magically. Psychologically.

• We notice confirming evidence more easily.

• We tolerate dynamics that reinforce the wound.

• We unconsciously expect familiar outcomes.

• We brace for disappointment before it arrives.

Part of us is constantly trying to prove: “See? I was right to protect us.” And so, the cycle continues.

This can happen with almost any aspect of our true nature.

We can turn:

• love into weakness,

• honesty into danger,

• awareness into isolation,

• passion into “too muchness”,

• abundance into selfishness,

• emotional guidance into irrationality,

• integrity into punishment,

• supportiveness into self-sacrifice.

The trait itself is not the problem. The pain attached to it is.

One of the most heartbreaking things I see in people is that their greatest wounds are often connected to their greatest strengths. Not because those strengths are wrong. But because they were never protected, honoured, understood, or reciprocated properly.

 What Aspects of Our True Nature Can We Turn Into a Flaw?

When people first explore this concept, they often realise they have not merely rejected painful parts of themselves. They have rejected powerful, beautiful, alive parts of themselves that no longer felt safe to express.

What’s important to understand is that this can happen across many layers of human experience.

🌿 Fundamental Life Force

• Wealth

• Abundance

• Flow

• Heart’s desires

These relate to receiving, expansion, and permission to exist fully.

A child may unconsciously conclude:

“Wanting is dangerous.”
“Having creates jealousy.”
“Receiving makes me selfish.”

🌿 Relational Truth

• Love

• Honesty

• Mutual benefit

• Supportiveness

• Nurturing

These are deeply attachment-based.

Children often learn:

“Love hurts.”
“Honesty creates conflict.”
“Supporting others means self-sacrifice.”

🌿 Inner Authority and Intuition

• Choice

• Awareness

• Common sense

• Connection to emotional guidance

• Accepting the context of experiences

This category is particularly powerful because many people were taught to distrust themselves.

So, the unconscious flaw becomes:

“If I trust myself, I’ll be punished.”
“If I see clearly, I’ll be isolated.”
“If I choose for myself, I’ll lose love.”

🌿 Expansion and Vitality

• Enthusiasm

• Motivation

• Energy

• Passion

This deeply affects many people.

Children can learn:

“My energy is too much.”
“My excitement annoys people.”
“My passion creates rejection.”

So, they begin dampening or dulling themselves in order to stay connected and accepted.

🌿 Moral and Spiritual Identity

• Integrity

• Humility

• Maturity

• Vibrational awareness

• Being a catalyst for change

This is where people can become trapped in painful contradictions.

Some are:

• punished for integrity,

• attacked for maturity,

• resented for growth,

• or shamed for challenging unhealthy systems.

And over time, they unconsciously associate their own evolution with danger.

Healing is not about removing our true nature. It is not about becoming less loving, less aware, less passionate, less generous, or less alive. Healing is about separating our nature from the wound attached to it.

That is a very different process.

When we begin to recognise the unconscious agreements we made as children, we stop judging ourselves so harshly. We begin to understand that many of our patterns are not signs of brokenness. They are signs of adaptation.

And perhaps most importantly, we begin reclaiming the parts of ourselves we mistakenly believed were unsafe to be. Not because they are flawed. But because somewhere along the line, our child-self confused pain with truth.

And healing is the process of remembering they are not the same thing. 💛