Not Everyone Is the Same

When compassion and empathy make us give too much.

When we ignore our internal guidance system and excuse behaviours that aren’t based in fairness, justice, or cooperation, we can find ourselves deeply confused.

What do we do with someone who doesn’t seem to care about the basic human desires of connection, harmony, respect, and consideration?

Whether the person is going through a phase, acting out of emotional wounds, or their core personality leans toward self-centredness, it can be challenging to know how to manage what is often labelled “difficult” behaviour.

One of the greatest blocks we face is our innate attachment to the idea that everyone is just like us. The fact that so many “–isms” stem from fear of those who are different reinforces the unconscious belief that safety can only be found when others think, feel, and behave the way we do.

Three common notions often add to this confusion:

• “Whatever problem you have with another is simply a reflection of something you don’t like about yourself.”

• “Anyone in your life is there because you attracted them, so you can learn something.”

• “You are born into a family because you all share the same lessons.”

While each of these ideas may hold in some contexts, they all need an asterisk attached:

Only apply them if they help you heal and grow.

It is not always comfortable to admit that there are people among us — in our families, friendships, and workplaces — who do not want what we want. They are not motivated by love, belonging, connection, or harmony. Peace, cooperation, and respect are not values they consistently live by.

Some people live to win.
Some live to control.
Some live to manipulate.

They may lie or deceive if that is what it takes to stay on top.

These are the difficult personalities books are written about and villains are built from — and they require a different approach in how we engage with them.

 The Litmus Test: Accountability

A powerful way to recognise someone who may fall into the “difficult” zone is to observe their response to being held accountable.

Those who resort to insulting the person who identifies their lies, deceptions, harsh words, or callous actions are revealing something important.

The purpose of the insult is to throw us off balance — to make us angry, defensive, or self-doubting.

It shifts the focus from them to us.

Once we are stuck defending ourselves, explaining our hurt, or justifying our reality, we have fallen for the strategy — and they win.

We walk away feeling awful, wondering: What is wrong with me?

Others baffle us with unreasonable demands, chaotic rationality, and illogical arguments.

When they make communication so exhausting that we eventually give up and let them have their way, they are also revealing who they are.

And who is that?

Someone who must win at all costs.
Someone who has to be right, no matter what.
Someone who maintains a self-perception of perfection by denying any other reality.

Someone who will say it’s white when it is clearly black.

Often, these individuals function almost entirely from intellect, disconnected from emotional truth.

 Emotions Are Our Inner Guide

Emotions are part of our internal guidance system.

When we feel hurt by someone’s blindness to the impact of their choices…

When we feel the ache of their deafness to our pleas for empathy…

When we experience their insensitivity because they cannot feel for others…

We must listen. The messages are there, quietly telling us who this person is.

 So, What Do We Do?

Firstly: what we resist, persists.

No battle against drugs, cancer, bullying, or cruelty has ever removed the problem through resistance alone. Disentangle from trying to prove that you are the same as someone who lives in denial of truth, fairness, and honesty. Ignorance creates injustice because it refuses to see beyond itself. Let it go.

Acceptance is the next step.

Accept the person as they are. Know who they are. Understand how they think, act, and behave. Don’t feed them with negative energy through anger, because it increases their competitiveness and manipulation. They will exaggerate the lies, deceptions, and distortions to the point of absurdity.

Finally: be true to yourself.

Stay centred within your heart.

Get to know yourself well by journaling each day about your inner emotional world.

Act with pure love — not servitude.
Find compassion — but not complicity.

Practice breathing into your heart centre and visualise sending radiant love into the world.

Be firm in your interactions.

Only give what you are truly comfortable giving.

The more centred you become, the less likely you are to be energetically pulled into someone else’s irrationality.

And of course, I would include using the Empowered Tapping® scripts from Accessing Your Inner Secrets, the Book of Inner Secrets, or the Tappers Tribe.

The clearer your energy is, the less they can hook into.

 Reflection

Do you have any practices or techniques that help you manage difficult personalities?